10/21/11 Chris’ First Visit

My first visit with Dr Z was very encouraging to me.    I had seen many doctors in the past, but the problem with my visits before is that they were not my idea, and I didn’t even want to be there.  It’s different now.   I’m actually excited to see this doctor because I’m open to what he might say to me, and what I might learn.  In the past, in my mind these doctors’ visits were simply a way for my dad to keep treating me like a guinea pig, and trying to solve the problems in my life, while hobnobbing with all these self-interested doctors that didn’t seem to care that much about me, but would only talk to my father (which was probably because I never gave them much to go on).  I never spoke to the doctors unless they asked me a question, and I was very suspicious of all of them, thinking they were all trying to sell me stuff I didn’t need because my dilemma was spiritual, not physical.

I was actually surprised that he took such an interest in me.  One of his questions to me was “Christopher, how can I help you?”   I don’t ever recall being asked that question by any of the other doctors.   I felt my dad’s support, but it wasn’t as though he was driving the discussion.   I don’t know if that’s because I have more interest in getting help now, or simply because the doctor is more in tune with my needs, but whatever it is, it felt nice to see his concern.